I Detransitioned

By | September 28, 2017

So, the reason I’ve gone months without discussing my transition or showing myself is because I’ve detransitioned. In the two years since I started hormones in May 2015, I kept getting steadily more and more depressed. Around last March or so I hit a real low point in my life. I didn’t enjoy doing anything anymore, I didn’t want to go outside, I didn’t even want to talk to people. So, in June and July I destranitioned.

First, let me say that just because I did this doesn’t mean I think people transitioning is bad, nor would I tell people not to do it. I would tell them to seriously think about it. You should weigh the positives and the negatives, and not rush to a decision.

I consider my transition was similar to a marriage that ended in divorce. It all seemed so wonderful and amazing at first, and I was happy to commit to it. Over time more problems kept coming up that weren’t addressed or solved, but I held out hope everything would work out in the end. However, I reached a point where I just couldn’t keep going with what my life had become and I had to end it. So, like a marriage that ends in a divorce, just because my transition didn’t work out doesn’t mean that other people can’t have transitions that lead to a lifetime of happiness. Me detransitioning doesn’t take away anything from people who are immensely happy they’ve done it, and vice versa.

Before I transitioned, I only went to a therapist for a month, and they never had a client with gender identity issues. So, I rushed to get approval to start hormones without stopping to think if this was really the answer to my problems. It’s not the therapist’s fault, it’s my own. The new therapist I’ve been seeing for almost six months does specialize in gender identity. So, for people who are considering on transitioning, take your time to really think about it, and see a specialist with experience. That being said, a therapist can’t diagnose you with gender dysphoria like it’s a virus, they help you make the decision whether it’s right for you. Also, make sure you’re getting into it for the right reasons, and have realistic exceptions for what will happen.

To wrap things up, I’m much happier with my life since I made this decision. I appreciate what I have now, and I’m not trying to force myself to be someone else. I haven’t had any regrets about detransitioning since the reversal surgery in July, and I’ve gotten rid of all my former female things. As for the site and the content we make, I still do enjoy the subject matter, I just no longer imagine myself in those scenarios. If anything, it allows me to be more objective in what stories are done to focus on what fans enjoy. So, please stop referring to me as ‘she’, and I’m happy to be called ‘he’ and Sam.

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3 years ago

I want to watch Tow for one beyond But no cash to watch Beyond ?????

3 years ago

I am WAY late on this but… I am happy that you are now feeling better. I have been a fan for AGES and had followed you on YouTube and watched as much free content I could when I was little. I remember reading about your transition and was always so interested. I had always wondered what happened. Now that I know, I cant be any happier for you. Its amazing that you were able to realize how you felt, and fix the problem. I too have struggled with gender identity issues. I had for a short amount of time… Read more »

Madison J
4 years ago

Wow that is crazy! I was thinking about how your transition was going. It’s why i logged back in after 4 years. Im always devastated when i hear someone detransitions. I totally get what your saying about not wanting to go outside… im always terrified all the time. I just figure other women feel that way. I can’t detrainsition though i was suicidal when i was a trying to fit in not going back to that lol. Good luck my friend!

Taylor Leigh
5 years ago

Sam, living your life genuinely is all that one can truly hope for. My best friend from the UK has a similar story but, fortunately, realized within only 3 months on hormones that becoming female wasn’t going to fix his problems which were getting worse on estradiol. Honestly, he was a gorgeous girl but transition isn’t the correct path for him. Feel free to add me on FB … TaylorLeighCook …

5 years ago

Gender is confusing and probably shouldn’t exist as a concept. I spent 5 years in denial of myself and another 3 trying to figure out who I am for certain on the inside and who I’d be happy to be. 8 years of it before I had myself figured out and I’m still not 100% certain on everything, but I’m a lot closer to an understanding than before. I hope you don’t hate your experience, but think of it to help verify your feelings on your own identity. Being lost is painful, and I’ll empathize every time.

5 years ago

I got to say mate ive been a huge fan of yours since I saw your content on youtube, then I waited a couple years before finally subscribing to the website. I think what you have done is amazing, and life is a journey that has no map. For those who are transitioning or detransitioning I say more power to your choices, I hate seeing discrimination for how people feel. Happiness is all that counts when the day is done, so congrats on finding it mate and looking forward to amazing future content

5 years ago

I feel like this probably happens to a lot of people who transition. They transition, but later on realize that transitioning to the opposite gender wasn’t the right thing for them, so they change back. Speaking of which, are there going to be any long term health effects on your body? I can’t imagine that all the hormone treatments and surgerys haven’t left an impact on your body

5 years ago

I went through the same thing. I detransitioned … lost friends in the process. But frankly it gave me more options to live life better. I had no support and an ex-wife who tried to use my transition to take my daughter from me. Sometimes it takes more than 1 thing you’re obsessed with to make you happy. I still would love to entertain it again if technology reached a point like some of these stories go… or some magic. But feeling like I wasn’t wearing a costume or hiding under a ton of makeup honestly felt better. I was… Read more »